Big British Hats!

Dear Duchess Kiera Knightly,

First of all, big congrats on the promotion to Duchess. That ought to get you to the front of the line, if you know what I'm saying.

Second, I'd like to call attention to your head ornamentation, what we commoners call hats. Now that you're royalty, you probably need to go get fitted for your crown and will not be needing the two wide-brimmed beauties pictured herein. So you know what's coming: Gimme. I live in California, which=sunny, which=protection needed for my lily-white skin (plus they would look fierce with my Uggs). You, on the other hand live in England, which=tea, crumpets and gloomy skies. And don't give me any bs about rain. Are you really gonna trot out a feathered hat in a deluge? Are you ever gonna be in a deluge? No! Your horse drawn pumpkin carriage will whisk you from place to place while mice sew your dresses at home and your tiny feet rest comfortably in glass slippers.

That might be a different story, I'm getting all mixed up. Let me get back to my point: Please have your Secretary of Hattery forward me these toppers. I'm an American; you know I'm just gonna keep asking til you do it.

Hail, Duchess.

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