In possession of a rock.

Dear Lindsay Lohan,

You've been talking about your high stress level making you so thin. I sympathize. And I'm not one to just talk the talk; I'll put my money where my mouth is. Or, more specifically, I will put a Big Mac where your mouth is if you give me your necklace and earrings. I might even be persuaded to throw you a McNugget or two. C'mon. You know you're just gonna lose the necklace in the bottom of your giant handbag where it will moulder with four empty lighters, a balled up pair of black leggings and a few now-empty ziploc bags that used to contain....now, what was that? Then, the next time you see that delicate, twinkly, too delicious sliver diamond, as you call it, it will have MAC VivaGlam smeared all over it and a Mento stuck to one side.

Should such a pretty bauble suffer such a Lohanical fate? Give it to me to hold until you feel better. I promise I'll give it back.*

*If you can pass a few simple tests...

So, just tell the hotel Concierge to call Fedex. They'll handle all the details, k?